Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Thanks for voting America! This blog, along with approximately 69,492,376 Americans, buoyed Barack Obama onto the throne of democracy. Are we done? Heck no. We need to begin to plan for that sad day when President Barack will no longer be constitutionally able to serve as Commander-in-Chief. We must turn our thoughts to the future. Not the near future, but a date more distant: the year 2036.
Malia Obama, whose interests include soccer, dance and drama, will be 35 in time for the Presidential Election of 2036. What we need in 2036 is someone who will lead us toward an even better future.
The years 2008-2016 were very good for this country. Then there was the historic election of 2016, in which elder statesman Jimmy Carter was finally allowed to serve his second term of office. After four years President Carter stepped into a time machine and sent himself 30,000 years into the past, where he helped nomadic tribes in what is now the Middle East prevent the warfare that would mark that region for all of human history.
In 2020-2028 Chelsea Clinton became the first woman President, making our country the first to manufacture and export hover cars. As the daughter of a former President, she would be compared to another child of a former President who was also President himself. She was thankfully superior in all respects. It is said birds alighted upon her shoulders and sang their sweet melodies as she prepared to sign the historic worldwide energy treaty that would, in essence, eliminate all pollutants from the air, sea, and land.
2028-2036 would provide an interesting twist to Presidential politics, as the first non-American-born citizen became Commander-in-Chief.
A name begging to be in large, bold type. With an impressive resume including Terminator 2, Kindergarten Cop, Total Recall, Twins, Junior, Predator, Conan the Barbarian, Pumping Iron, and Jingle All the Way, the Prezenegger brought a new brand of justice to the executive branch of government. He may have played by his own rules, but you can't deny his effectiveness. When an evil alien brain sent an army of oversize spiders to control the planet, the Prezenegger was there with a hand-held nuclear bomb. He tossed it at just the right moment to blow that alien brain right back to hell. And when the Supreme Court was about to criminalize all methods of birth control, the Prezenegger blew them up too. Take that, John Roberts! You evil bastard.
President Arnold paved the way for a different kind of President. By the time 2036 rolled around, the country was ready for peace again.
Malia Obama was born on July 4, an apt date of birth for Commander-in-Chief. Although some would question her relative inexperience, she would soon prove all the naysayers to be nothing more than whiny little nobodies.
It's true, her allergy to animal dander, which almost resulted in her and her sister to be dogless back in 2009, was a worry for foreign policy wonks. What if she were to meet a camel in Cairo and sneeze all over it? Or a cow in Dehli? These worries were soon put to rest after a successful visit to the Middle East and Europe in Spring 2037.
Furthermore, her training in soccer, dance and drama proved exactly what was needed for domestic affairs of the day. It may not have seemed obvious in the hazy days of 2009, but in 2036 soccer, dance and drama were just what is needed for Leader of the Free World.
This blog is a proud supporter of Obama in 2036.