vital stats

The following statistics were compiled as part of the Worldwide Blogging Census. What follows is for International Blogging Commission use only.

Age: 29

Glasses: Yes

Braces: 5 years

Cavities: 0

Broken Bones: 2

Vegetarian: Yes, except for veal and sea turtle meat

Blogging nemesis: Unknown

Comics drawn to date: 1518

Beat Super Mario Bros. at age: 10

Beat Super Mario Bros. 2 at age: 19

Animals brought back from extinction: Moa, Velociraptor

Foreign language fluency: Kryptonian, Irish

Batman or Superman: Batman

Nerdiness quotient: 89

High school popularity rating: 13%

Total girlfriends: 8

Imaginary girlfriends: 8

Crushes: 42

Wives: 1

Number of people likely to attend funeral: 409

Number of celebrities at funeral: 12

Friends: 2,987

Facebook friends: 2,980

Half court basketball shots made: 0

Framed for murder: 1

Shot a man in Reno: 1

Tattoos: 0

Tattoos designed for others: 1

Lifetime average hourly salary: $5.15

Percent chances of dying from brain tumor due to cell phone use: 74%

Most likely cause of death: ennui

Awards or Honors: Voted "King Tuna" at the Gilbert, Arizona Tuna Fish Festival (1996), 3rd Place in National Stock Market Game (7th grade), Got Out of Physical Education For Half a Year (7th grade)

sequential art

There are some sequences in comic strips that are really appealing out of the context of the joke. You can enjoy them on their own without the anticipation of the inevitable fourth panel.

Lio, by Mark Tatulli
Calvin and Hobbes, by Bill Watterson
Cul de Sac, by Richard Thompson

...and one of my own.

friday robots

Do these robots look like they're going to brainwash you? Because they're totally not. These are the good guys, folks.

They are, however, off to do battle with evil brainwashing robots. It's a tough job being a Friday Robot, but these guys are up to the task.

book report: diary of a wimpy kid

This post can now be found on my website.

blackula

He's the Blackulest!

I see this sticker almost every day and it always makes me laugh.

hey robert zemeckis,

why don't you make good movies anymore?

Robert Zemeckis made Back to the Future. Who could forget, right? He also made Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Then, sadly, Robert was murdered by a cyborg. That cyborg now calls himself "Robert Zemeckis" and makes movies. Not good movies. No, if the cyborg made good movies it might all be worth it. Cyborg Zemeckis makes terrible, crappy movies that feature computer animated characters who look like they stepped right out of Madame Tussauds' wax museum.

You remember Tom Hanks. Happy-go-lucky, daffy Tom Hanks. Well, if you love Tom Hanks, you'll just love this creepy simulacra in the bastardization of the beloved children's book The Polar Express:
Cyborg Zemeckis doesn't like real people because he himself is not a person. He cannot understand why you'd willingly go to a theater and watch actors perform a story in front of your eyes. Cyborg Zemeckis thinks you'll like these guys a lot better:
I've never seen a once-beloved director sabotage himself so spectacularly. (Well, maybe one other time.) This is why I must believe there is a Cyborg Zemeckis, churning out movies and sullying the Zemeckis name.

The point I'm getting to is this bit of news: Cyborg Zemeckis is planning on remaking The Beatles' animated movie Yellow Submarine.
Using the same computer technology that made Angelina Jolie look unattractive for once in her life, Cyborg Zemeckis will crush The Beatles' spirit under its mighty claw.

The Beatles themselves had little to do with the original Yellow Submarine, so I don't exactly feel betrayed by this turn of events. It isn't as if Cyborg Zemeckis is recording his own guitar solo for Let it Be then destroying George's original one. Heck, the remaining Beatles feel so indifferently about Yellow Submarine that they can't even be bothered to keep the DVD in print.

Zemeckis is taking a weird, independent little film made in the '60's and turning it into a bland, corporate commercial for his own production company today. It doesn't make me angry, just a little sad.

friday robots: copyright infringement edition

Today's robots were lifted wholesale from a page of Darwyn Cooke's magnificent revival of The Spirit.

If there's one artist today capable of bringing Will Eisner's joyful characters back to life, it's Mr. Cooke. Literally every page deserves to be studied.

Go check this guy out.

brittany flickinger: the falling rock interview

This post can now be seen on my website.

dear cat power

I understand you're playing a gig in Chicago tonight. That's great! My friend Nate will be there to see you. I know this sounds like a cliche, but he's your biggest fan. Seriously.

I'm writing to ask you please not to run off with Nate after your show. I know he's good looking and he's totally into you, but you have to restrain yourself. Nate already has a super awesome wife and I really don't want to see her go.

Feel free to pick some other married guy from the crowd. Maybe there are men who don't have awesome wives, or maybe their wives are already thinking about leaving them and so wouldn't mind if they ran off with Cat Power. Just don't pick Nate.

Thank you, and have a fantastic show.

josh

year four

Today marks the fourth year of my comic strip, Welcome to Falling Rock National Park. If you only read this blog and haven't seen my website, you may wonder who the heck posts a random assortment of topics and drawings and names it after a made-up National Park. The short answer is: a cartoonist.

I created Falling Rock after drawing The Family Monster comic strip for four years in The Colorado Daily in beautiful Boulder, Colorado. Falling Rock is my attempt at being just a tiny bit more mainstream than the surreal dreamworld of The Family Monster. Unlike The Family Monster, Falling Rock is inhabited by animals you'd really find in a southwestern desert. Park Ranger Dee dresses like a real park ranger. The whole thing is inspired by growing up in Arizona. I don't live there anymore, but I really like drawing saguaros and mountains and dry riverbeds.

I've been drawing a daily comic strip for the past seven years, and comics in general since I was 10. If you're listening to Malcolm Gladwell (and according to him, we all should be), you know that to master a skill you need 10,000 hours of practice. Similarly, Chuck Jones said that you need to produce 10,000 bad drawings before you can make your first good one. I'm not able to add up all the time I've spent drawing comics since I was a kid, but I feel close to 10,000 (choose your unit of measurement) right now. Maybe I'll even crack it this year. Stay tuned to find out.

I hope you enjoy this year's Welcome to Falling Rock National Park. I'm glad to be back at the drawing board, filling in little boxes with pictures and words.

OH, AND IF YOU'RE INTERESTED:
You can read more about me right here.
You can read today's comic here and older comics here.
And you're always welcome to buy one of my Falling Rock book collections.

APE

I am officially going to be at the Alternative Press Expo this year!
Meet me in San Francisco, October 17-18.
More details to come as the event nears.
Exciting!

friday robots: welcome back to falling rock edition

Desert robots this week. Unfortunately they are about to be devoured by a rock monster, but hey, that's the circle of life. Desert robots become dessert robots.
Monday August 17th marks the beginning of new Falling Rock comics for the year! Be sure to check joshshalek.com for the daily comic.

I'm excited to be drawing Falling Rock again after the summer break. Fear not, dear readers, this blog will still be updated regularly.

Be safe!

selmer kittelson

1924-2009

Pictured: top, with his wife, Pat and below with Pat and son John. (Don't ask about the ice pack.)

fancy men

This post can now be seen on my website.

hot as sunglasses

The Buddhists say you're not supposed to get all attached to this physical world of suffering. But I refute this. Have they seen my sunglasses?
I've had these sunglasses since high school. They were a gift from my parents. Unlike Charles Kane, who lost his childhood sled Rosebud and forever mourned it, I have managed to keep my sunglasses and still use them. Basically what I'm saying is, my sunglasses have kept my mental health stable all these years.

I'm convinced these glasses were made especially for a redhead. When I was in the sunglasses store looking for sunglasses, the sunglasses salesclerk said, "We always like to have people try these on because they look so weird on everybody." When I put them on, the salesclerk gasped. "They look...good on you," she said.

They are perfect when I ride my bike. Since they're so large on my face (kind of like goggles, really), they serve a dual purpose of shading the sun and keeping bugs from flying directly into my eyes. (Have you ever seen a cyclist freak out over apparently nothing? A bug has flown into either his eyes or his mouth. It isn't fun.)

I've been on many bonding trips with these glasses. Perhaps the day we grew closest was when I slipped on an icy trail outside Boulder on New Year's Day. They did get scratched up a bit, but they fared much better than my wrist, which was sprained.

Yes, styles have changed. Sunglasses technology has come a long way since I purchased these. Call me old fashioned, call me stuck in the 90's. But I can't think of a better pair of sunglasses. My eyes are forever in their debt.

Biff Elliot online

Biff Elliot on Facebook

My uncle Biff is now a part of the internet! His official page has just gone online.

Click here right now!

You can see photos, a biography, and the trailer for the movie I, the Jury. More to come.

Friday Robots

A robot triptych for you to enjoy this fine Friday. The third robot is dedicated to my brother, who got in a car crash in Roswell, New Mexico. He is fine, but his car has gone the way of the crashed UFO. Disappeared without a trace.

Can I tell you how proud I am of spelling "triptych" correctly the first time without assistance? All those years working in the Art Library were not wasted.

the girliest man

From a book of medieval costume designs:

I couldn't help but notice that this was, in spite of all evidence to the contrary, still a man.

Dee's new wardrobe

Books I never thought existed do, in fact, exist. Thanks to the library, I picked up two books on the history of the National Park Service. One of them is dedicated entirely to women's ranger uniforms.

Dee's current uniform is based on an older style of ranger outfit, although I've given her pants instead of the skirts women rangers had to wear through most of the last century. Can you imagine enduring a snow-covered trail in Rocky Mountain National Park or the blazing heat of Saguaro National Monument in a skirt? I'm glad I can't.

The drawing above is based on a 1970's uniform which I quite like. Maybe I'll give Dee a few changes of clothing this year, just to change things up a bit.

Should Carver have a catchphrase?

Bart Simpson, Ren & Stimpy, Bugs Bunny: great cartoon characters have great catchphrases. Which is why, when I look at my work on Falling Rock, I see a huge missing piece in the story of Carver the owl. He's got no catchphrase.

Carver has plenty to say on just about any topic. He's had his share of one-liners, zingers, gotchas, and bogeys. One thing he doesn't have is a line to which he can repeatedly return, in good times and bad, in sickness and health, that will automatically deliver the laffs.

Should Carver's catchphrase be witty? Sarcastic? Adorable? Maddening? All it really needs to be is short enough to fit on t-shirts, mugs, bumper stickers, boxer briefs, gallon jars of mayonnaise, and of course frilly placemats.

During this summer hiatus of Falling Rock, I'll be considering what Carver's catchphrase should be. You, dear readers, can help! Just comment below and we'll see if Carver can return in the fall with a hilarious catchphrase that will rocket the owl into the national spotlight. Or merely become more annoying with each passing utterance. Either way.