one less syndicate

Read the news last week that United Media, a syndicate that once managed Peanuts and Dilbert, will turn over their comic strip properties to Universal uclick.  For those of you keeping score, we're down to three viable syndicates:

Universal uclick (in my limited experience, the most active syndicate)

King Features (once a fine syndicate, but they haven't done much in the last decade)

Washington Post Writers Group (only syndicates a handful of comics; the upside is most of them are good)

The other "syndicates" (I use that term loosely as they rarely launch new features) are Tribune Media and Creators.

Comic strips continue to be profitable and, most importantly, read.  It's been clear for some time that newspapers don't want to run comics.  Maybe they should cut the cord and see what happens (hint: final nail in the coffin).  The internet is becoming an increasing revenue source.  Many un-syndicated cartoonists (hint) are either solely web-based or they use their website to increase their audience.

I've always liked to read comics on paper.  Call me Old Timer.  That's why I self-publish books.  Anybody can go on my website and read, for free, the entire run of Falling Rock.  I haven't heard from many people who actually do that.  I do hear from the people who read my books.  Maybe we're all Old Timers.

Are books the future of comic strips?  I would be more than happy with that outcome.  Universal syndicate is essentially the same company as Andrews McMeel, a book publisher.  They publish not only their own comic strip properties but those of their until-now rival United Media.  Universal could be a web and book syndicate.  It seems as if they're heading that way.  Newspapers are cutting themselves out of the loop.

Why are newspapers so stupid?  Ask David Simon; after he was fired from the Baltimore Sun, he went on to write The Wire.  But that's a topic for another post.

Is this good news or bad news?  I am uncertain.  Universal is certainly the most forward-thinking comic syndicate out there.  I'm glad United Media's cartoonists have a place to go where they will be treated with respect.  On the other hand, that's one less submission I can send out this year in the hopes of finally getting syndicated.  On the first hand again, Universal has seemed like my best shot for a couple years now.  There are so many unknowns.

If you're reading this post, it means I'm doing something right, and that's really the most important thing.  Thank you.  Now let's get back to the funny stuff.

very hungry friday robots

Friday Robots have long been compared (favorably) to The Very Hungry Caterpillar.  That is why these cutout Robots are dedicated to Mr. Eric Carle.

Have a great Friday, and don't forget to eat!

who am I following on twitter?

Tom Hanks
Bill Watterson (likely fake)
A zombie
A ghost
A pirate
2 dinosaurs (stegasaurus and olorotitan)
Fake David Bowie
Mount St. Helens (usually dormant)
Lady Liberty
DJ Roomba
Zeus, King of Gods
Liam Neeson, player of Zeus in the remake of Clash of the Titans
McBone
Slider K. Shaftacular
Andy K (it is the only way I can legally follow him, due to court
restraining order)
3 otters (1 sea, 2 river)
Fate
Destiny
Free Will
Lord of the Flies
Old Scratch
Mr. Furnace Boots
(okay, I made that last one up)

And, Tweeting from the Great Beyond:
Kurt Vonnegut
Timothy Leary
Ken Kesey
Ella Fitzgerald
Sir Winston Churchill

friday robots

What better time to bring out the leafy robots than the middle of February?

"But where are the robots?" you may wonder.  Are the leaves themselves robots?  Are there robots hiding behind each leaf, or are the robots too small or too big to see in this picture?  Or was the artist drawing leaves on Thursday night and ran out of time to draw robots?

Like all the best questions in life, these may never be fully answered. In the meantime, enjoy your Friday and have a great Presidents' Day.

foldy comic is up!

I have arrived.  My brand new foldy comic has now been posted on the official Five-Page Folded Mini-Comic website.  This is only my second foldy comic, but it will not be my last.

Malcolm Gladwell has long been a nemesis of mine.  With his hair reminiscent of a certain foxy jazz singer, his connections to The New Yorker, and his using of cheap English Major tricks, I find him both aggravating and oddly alluring.  There are certainly less talented people who are famous, but I don't think many of them aspire to be the Humanities' Carl Sagan.  And so I use my tiny folded pulpit to poke fun at a man who has perhaps achieved a greater fame than his methods deserve.

Read, enjoy, and, if you happen to be Malcolm Gladwell, please don't sue.

new foldy comic coming soon

It's been a while since my last five-page folded minicomic.  Ernesto and Cookie Monster's special message is still a fan favorite.  I wanted to make another "message" comic but waited until I had something truly important to say.  After all, the foldy comic form should not be desecrated with half-witted ideas or half-baked art.

Lo and behold, an idea came to me.  Malcolm Gladwell, my blogging nemesis, seemed ripe for parody.

For the full comic you'll have to wait until Kenan, my friend and creator of the foldy comic, posts it on the official Five-Page Folded Mini-Comic website.  Until then, here is a panel to whet the ol' appetite. 

Oh, Malcolm Gladwell.  You're so full of yourself.

friday robots

Robots, as we all know, can be any size or shape.  These microscopic robots exist in the extreme atmosphere of the ocean floor.  It has been incredibly difficult to study these extremophile robots thoroughly; their attitude towards humanity remains unknown.

Perhaps some future Friday will bring us closer to these mysterious robots.  In the meantime, enjoy your current Friday and try not to stand too close to any underwater volcanoes.

when robots attack

In the not so distant future...



Robots are coming, and you'd better get the hell out of Staples unless you want to meet a sour demise.

Also, stay out of school unless you want a robot to teach you a lesson you'll never forget.

 I'm beginning to feel like the dinosaur who looked down at the small mammals at his feet and thought, "I'm not long for this world."

who's got four paws and hates ronald reagan?

This cat:

Sambora, the cat I live with, agrees with the late President Ronald Reagan not one bit.  Seriously: foreign policy, the national debt, military spending.  Sambora is Reagan's political opposite.

On this hundredth anniversary of the old coot's birth, Sambora and I both mourn the fact that neither of us were able to vote against him.

We take consolation that we'll be able to vote for at least two Obamas.

no chief of mine

For the last two years President Obama has been quietly and steadily fulfilling his campaign promises, not the least of which is the first major health care act since Medicare, and the very first to include those of us under 65.  Despite a Republican majority in the House I'm confident Obama will continue that good work he was hired to do.

Lately, though, I've been feeling a heaviness in my chest.  It isn't a physical problem, although if it was I am one of the fortunate few to have health insurance provided to me by my employer.  No, the heaviness comes all the way from Washington DC; specifically, from the douchebaggery at the Supreme Court.

If Obama's Affordable Care Act is argued before the Supreme Court, I am nervous Chief Justice John Roberts and his cronies will strike it down as unconstitutional.

I have reason for my worries to be justified.  Roberts struck down a bipartisan campaign reform act, co-written by that liberal bastion John McCain. Why?  You can actually see a piece of McCain's soul dying in his remarks about the callous way the Court struck down his bill.

Chief "In"Justice Roberts* has decided that his tenure at the Court will be marked by conservative activism.  Activism has long been a swear word Republicans have lobbed at liberal judges, but now we see conservatives love to play the game they claim to hate.

There is absolutely no good reason to take health care away from the people of this country.  There are parts of the law that can be modified (see: Obama's 2010 State of the Union address), but it is in no way unconstitutional.

John Roberts: I hate you, and I hope you live long enough to regret every bad ruling you've ever made.  But there is hope for you yet!  Like Ebeneezer Scrooge there is time for redemption.  These chains you see do not have to be in your future!  Tiny Tim can be cured, but only if you don't take away his health care.

*Zing!

friday robots

wall street: money never sleeps

I witnessed a filmic tragedy this past weekend.  Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps is the sequel to Wall Street (no colon).  Unlike the original, Money Never Sleeps has no apparent point of view and no guts.
 It is a mess of ideas that never really resolve; I weep for the waste of it all.

There is often no artistic reason for a movie sequel.  Usually sequels are done for the sake of cold, hard cash.  Sometimes, however, a sequel is creatively justified.  I can't think of a more apt example of this
than Oliver Stone's Wall Street.

The original Wall Street was a hyperbolic and highly entertaining romp through the stock market and those swaggering fools who rode the wave throughout the 1980's.  Michael Douglas had the signature role of Gordon Gekko, a man for whom greed is good.  Charlie Sheen, in a role that obviously taught him nothing about real life, played a stock market newcomer who grows a moral conscience after trying (and failing) to play by Gekko's rules.

Wall Street is a sharp, incisive film that not only entertains, it has a strong opinion about money, markets, and the corrupt creatures who thrive in that world.  It is a darn shame that its sequel has none of those qualities.

When the markets crashed in 2008, those craven braggarts who nearly drove our country into financial seppuku should have all gone to jail.  They didn't.  Instead, they got the government to bail them out just in time to receive their year-end bonuses.  It would be nice to see them tried and hanged on the movie screen, if not in real life.  Wall Street was due for a continuation.

Money Never Sleeps takes place around the time of the market crash.  Gekko has been released from jail and has now written a bestselling book.  His daughter, Winnie (Carey Mulligan), claims to hate Gekko but 1) is dating a guy (Jake, Shia LaBeef) in the same field as her dad and 2) stands to inherit one hundred million of his ill-gotten dollars.

Oliver Stone obviously loves the environment, and he wants us (dear viewers) to know it.  Winnie, that trustafarian, works for a nonprofit blog and Jake dreams of using seawater to create a fusion power plant.  Did you know we're exactly one hundred million dollars away from clean fusion power?  Oliver Stone does.

Money Never Sleeps doesn't have a clear plot, although it does have a bad guy in the form of Bretton James (Josh Brolin), who gets lynched at the end of the movie.  No, wait.  Bretton does get a stern talking-to.  And LaBeef and Winnie get to see Gekko reformed, and LaBeef's mom (Susan Sarandon) gets out of her crooked real estate business selling McMansions, and Frank Langella gets to appear as a ghost.  Everybody gets something in Money Never Sleeps, which is what movies are all about.

Or are movies about opinions, and thought?  Money Never Sleeps is a mess of conflicted messages and never comes up with anything resembling a logical narrative or character arc.

And what did I get from Money Never Sleeps?  A waste of nearly two and a half hours, and this blog post.